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February 12, 2006
the purpose-driven journal
I have a box full of journals in the upstairs closet. Some I read with fondness as forgotten memories are rediscovered, others I read with frustration as I see my sin repeat itself page after page.
In college I thought I was supposed to write in a journal - to have a journal. Mine was a prayer journal with normal entries beginning with "Dear God" or "Heavenly Father". I found it helpful then, and still do, in being able to focus my prayers when the thoughts and feelings in my heart and mind are jumbled and difficult to articulate. But there came a point when I realized that I was treating it as something I was supposed to do rather than an earnest desire to know God.
Since then, I've still had journals, but only occasionally written in them. The one I've had for the past few months is half full and multi-purpose with prayers, "to-do" lists, letters, and plans all intermingling.
So when I got a gift certificate from Barnes and Noble I was surprised that I gravitated towards the journal/sketchbook section where Andy had gotten his a few weeks earlier. I purchased one, held it, opened it, flipped through it, and smelled it. But had yet to write in it. What would this journal contain? Do I fill it once again of prayers, sermon notes, and Bible studies? Is it soley for musings, ideas, and sketches? It seemed that if I started out on the wrong foot the book would be ruined; writing an ignorant sentence or one with a scratched-out mistake.
But this morning I felt I had to take the chance that I'd mess up this endeavor. I felt I needed to start moving towards the thoughts, ideas and prayers rather than pushing them to the back of my mind. I had to take the chance at writing something ugly in order to make something beautiful.
As I reached the bottom of the second page writing similar thoughts as to those in this post, my hand rubbed over the not-yet dry ink and slightly smeared the words "would' and "starting". There was freedom in making the first mistake of many in the process of creating something beautiful.
processing | By charity | 12:58 PM
Comments
I also love opening a new journal and starting again. And I love the smells of certain journals. I had a leather one that I used the semester that I was in France. And whenever I smell its fragrance, I'm always transported back to Versailles.
I've also become much less disciplined in some ways in my journaling habits over the past few years. But I like the freedom that comes with that.... no pressure to write in a particular way, or a specific amount. Just the invitation to fill a page in any way I want to.
Posted by: Elizabeth at February 13, 2006 12:12 PM
* i find it a pathetic result of the rise of computers that i can't read my own handwriting when i write, not type, journals or prayers.
Posted by: jane. at February 15, 2006 09:20 PM
char! i just found our blog :) i like it...the boringness out-weighs the fact that i like you and want to read what's coming out of your head.
Posted by: apes at February 17, 2006 01:42 PM